Metabastards!

Of course you're broken;
It's a documented fact.
The results are unequivocal.

Everyone knows it;
We had to tell them
For their safety and yours.

Well, clearly we couldn't tell you.
If we did, you would no longer be
Relevant or interesting.
(You are only marginally so as it is.)

Now, tell us how it feels.
We need to know for our case study
On unethical case studies.